Yes, Your Honour

We can’t avoid ourselves from judging. Everyday we judge ppl, what they do, what they wear and how they behave. I’m not mad, coz I sometimes DO judge ppl. It just happened, JUST now..

I saw this couple, a married couple with 3 children. As I walked to the parking space, at first I saw the husband walking towards me, and about 10 steps further I bumped into the preggy wife walking the same way. I don’t get it. They must have gotten out from the same car and both are going to the same direction but why they couldn’t make their way together? So my immediate judgement went like this, oh the husband is no longer romantic, cannot wait for his preggy wife who cannot walk fast enough, poor wife, or maybe the husband don’t like to be seen walking with the wife for some reasons, I don’t know.. wow .. I AM judging ..

But really, kesian wife dia tadi. Having been a preggy myself made me emphaty with all preggies I met. If holding her hands is hard enough for you at least walk with her la.. adehhh..

And yes, speaking of judging;

There is a friend of mine who recently got married to a Miss J, (see how very judgemental our ppl are by giving a nickname to a divorcee) and another friend told that Miss J is actually does not that in love with my friend and that she is into someone else who is already engaged (married now) and they still went out together even though both are engaged and that she married with my friend because he loves her so much. Phewww.. that Miss J must be very hawttt.. Hawt ppl always get into this complicated tied up. (Like myself.. hawhawhaw)

I don’t care. But the issue is, that story, or rather gossip, have put me into this perspective, in such a way that, when I see the husband, saya akan kesian pada dia, saya akan pandang dia dgn pandangan simpati, as if knowing that his wife doesn’t love him and have someone else, poor him that the Miss J married him for his duit and harta, kesian, kesian.. and when I see the wife, I don’t know, I have this bad impression, I see her as a bad person.. and having seen her almost everyday made me realize, I have to stop being a JUDGE! That’s why you can’t talk about other ppl’s private life esp. the bad ones coz it will put perspective on others, coz ppl judge!

hey little whiz kid

This is Benjo when he was 6-7 months old. This is when his play area is at a tiny corner of our lounge. Now he has the third room all by himself! That is the reason why I am so reluctant taking a maid, don’t want to let go off Benjo’s room and can’t afford of NOT having the study/prayer room too. We have too many things in the house yet only small space available. Takpe lah, despite that all of us can turn it into a HOME, really.

He is now 11 months and 1 week old, three weeks more to be a 1 year-old chap! Comel! I see him as the cutest baby off all! And I don’t know if he really is, or it’s just a biological feeling of me that says so. Coz I’m the mother, of course lah kan.. Lagipun people said he has my resemblance. Especially the eyes =) People especially the Chinese love his eyes, “Macam mata ibu dia” And Papa would say “Tapi nakal macam papa dia” heheh.. nak jugak cari persamaan dgn Benjo kan Papa.

I’m planning to throw him a party, just a simple party so that we can have pictures together with balloons, cakes, presents and some other relatives or close friends. I’m planning to outsource everything to someone, the food, drinks and all the pinggan mangkuk is pakai-buang. I will buy the cake and present, and Papa please tiup the balloons OK.. that’s it. I will give my attention to Benjo as that’s what a baby needs most in his special day so for those who will come, don’t expect this is an all-out bash OK.. it’s just a simple intimate gath with minimal deco and humble food.

God bless Benjo! Mama & Papa love u so much!

post-exam

.. is like a post-war.

The home is like an abandoned battle-field, selonggok kain-baju need to be folded, some other longgoks are hanged at the ampaian and in the laundry baskets. EBM’s bottles left unwashed by the sink. Floor, ceiling fan, cabinets are all dusty (and hairy – oh rambutku masih gugur due to post-natal).

And myself, am like a tired soldier, traumatic, stressed and exhausted.

I’m now thinking how should I spend this little time I have before new semester begins on 13 Feb. Firstly, is to spend all the nights and weekends with little Benjo outside, at the swimming pool (his favourite), playground or bringing him for brisk walking, or reading him the books and accompanying him watching videos (have bought so many dvds but satu pun tak tengok lagi!) Ah, one more thing, I have to help him practice walking. His closest friend at the daycare dah pandai jalan, and he’s like one-month older than Benjo. Benjo pun kena pandai jalan jugak the soonest so you guys can play together with the big brothers.

Hmm semua about Benjo. Benjo this, Benjo that… Tak boleh la, I cannot NOT thinking about him even for a second.. (ah ape da ayat saya ni)

Ok, other things I wanna do is to reorganize our second room, or the study/prayer room. It should look more appealing and colorful so that I don’t have to go to the library to do revision after this. You know one thing that makes me a neat person? I would be neat if I were a student. That is, I can’t focus on my reading if the space is semak-semak. But recently as Benjo came into our life, our home is constantly bersepah, and saya pulak macam 24 hours round the clock is not enough to handle everything kan.. so NOW, yes NOW, is the time to reorganize and rearrange things!

And yes, I wanna do some readings too. All the books in the shelves yang tak sempat nak baca, please finish them! =) Also, since I got RM200 book voucher (for being 1Malaysia student hehe) I’d like to buy two books; Steve Job Biography and Leaving Microsoft to Change the World. Have anybody read this later book in english version? Coz currently only available in Malay translation in MPH and kena pergi Kino plak to get the english one. Tak sabarnya to get those copies! Yikes!!!

de-stressing

I’m writing from Secret Recipe, Sri Gombak.

Enjoying Chicken Lasagna, Choc Cheese Berries & Ice-bended Cappuccino (great.. flu has not recovered since last week and now having ice-blended)

I don’t feel guilty though for having all these icy cheesy fatty food, this is the whole point, it’s a reward, OK, reward. For working & studying hard and for going through the obstacles and for the sacrifice and for emotional challenge and for ALL that worth a lasagna and a cheese cake!

Well as much as I love Maths and calculations, but I don’t count calories, no thanks. Let the cheese stick around my butt, u don’t mind dontcha?

Two days ago I had a solo-lunch at the sekolah perniagaan, after a revision. While having the meal, someone was asking to sit at the same table. I looked up and it was an old friend from school, now doing the same course with me. This was our conversation during the lunch:

Him : Nasib baik ko ada, klau take aku lunch sorg la.
Me: So klau lunch sorg nape?
Him: Takde la, boring la sorg2. Eh kan girls take suka lunch sorg2 nnt mcm segan klau org ngorat.. hehe
Me: Hello.. aku bukan girls OK, aku ni mak orang. Mana de org nak ngorat.
Him: Haa tu la ko silap, org taktau ko ni mak org, mana tau terngorat ke..
Me: Haa tu la ko silap, w/pun org taktau aku ni mak org, tp aku sedar diri OK..
Him: Oh ye ke.. bagus la, susah nakcari org cam ko sekarang..
……

Really? Is it hard to find ‘org mcm aku skrg’

There was article I read recently, showing a stats in our country that % of wanita curang is higher than man, but I think it takes two to become curang.

I know of a person who’s married with four children and curang with her husband. A real person. Not a gossip on our local celebs, but an ordinary woman who wears tudung to work, potraying a Muslimah style and being a role model to the society. Nobody would believe that she has this man called ‘kekasih’, even her husband wouldn’t believe this.

Only God knows how I came to know this. I did not believe this at first.

The instance I know about her cheating on her husband I felt sooo JIJIK, disgusting, that’s the word.

But after some istighfar I quickly pray to God that I will be in His guidance forever and not ever condoning such act.

Forget about infidelity, trustworthiness or truthfulness to our partners, have u not thought about DOSA? For a wife, only having the thought of another man in your mind or heart is already a sin, and this is like having a real affair with someone else. What were you thinking? I don’t know, I honestly don’t understand.

Sometimes I think, the world would have been better if a husband only cares about his only wife and children and vice versa.

Teringat satu do a ‘Jangan lah kau memalingkan hati ini setelah Kau memberi hidayah kepada kami’ ..

counting calolie

On Sunday morning, we had a big breakfast as my parents, my sista and her kids came over. When I picked up my second piece of Roti Bom, Hubby warned “Lepas ni Mama kena lari 12km”.

This is the issue, when you’re married to a fitness instructor, all you have to do when having foods in front of you, is counting the calories. When preparing meals for the family, is not about thinking what to cook, but how many calories to serve.

Our aerobic instructor once said, a male fitness instructor wouldn’t mind about his wife’s cooking, but more CONCERNS on her fitness appearance, that is, a low-fat wife (as in low-fat milk). But that’s not much of a challenge. I’m relieved in a way. Coz to burn calories is not as hard as cooking a REALLY delicious meal.

Urmm.. Azam tahun 2013, to improve my cooking haha not this year though, masih busy dengsn sekolah perniagaan

biggie baggie

I have a thought on buying a new bag (wink wink)
Wow since when I update my blog twice a day ni? Nak try to meet kpi ke dah hujung2 tahun ni heee ..
Anyway, it’s the tab lah. This is really what we call ‘the world is in your fingertips’ wowww

OK back to buying the bag. Actually I’ve got many bags at home already, the sling bag, the big hobo bag, the glittering guess err.. OK just three bags, oh wait, another small partner-in-crime handbag that I keep in the car so that I can use it whenever I sneak out to Mid Valley during lunch hour. Even so, those are normal bags. I don’t have this REALLY expensive handbags u know. But am not talking about Prada or Chanel. Or even Hermes Birkin and whatnot. Ask the Big Mama for that. My REALLY expensive handbag is just tat brand C, the affordable expensive bag. I don’t know. I have the urge to own at least one, but still reluctant. I want to have one but feel guilty, thinking of how many Benjo shirts I can get with that amount or how many educational stuff or toys I can get for him instead.

Can I have that C?

Or just buy the usual brand Carlo Rino instead?

I don’t know, do I even need a new bag?

On a rainy day..

Am not feeling well. Have experienced this since last week. Not too well to do work but not too sick to beg for an MC. Cold, cough, sore throat and sengal-sengal the whole body, urgghh… memang sengal saya =)

I don’t know. All I want now is a good night sleep, undisturbed. But that seems not possible, even for one night. I would sit quietly on the bed when I woke up in the middle of the night nursing Benjo, reminiscing the good old days when I used to sleep 8 hours straight, sleep like a baby that is, not sleep WITH a baby like now…

This little monster really sleeps like a monster =) He spins around 180 degree and at some points during the nights we found him lying above our heads, cross the bed. Only God knows how he did that. We really concern about him falling off the bed that we stack some pillows fencing the bedding area. Sometimes Papa would crunch himself sleeping on a very small space as Benjo has conquered the bed. Yes, he is all over the place =)

There was one time, I took a day off from work, sending him off to the daycare and tried taking a nap in the morning. It was not exactly a nap, it was a heavenly sleep, and a good rest, and that when I woke up around 11 am I was so shock and cried crazily, Benjo! Benjo! thought that how on earth I can sleep so soundly? What happened to Benjo? Where is him? Is anything happen to him while I was asleep? Cos I merely unconscious.

Think I have already forgot how is it like to have an undisturbed good night sleep.

Nah, I just wanna take it easy. It’s an experience every mother would go through. Being a parent myself making me appreciate my parents more.

a come back

Think I gotta to go back to blogging. But where do I start?

I have been like this when September began.

Sometimes I wish I lived in 1920s, when all we care is only home and the kids.. when we are the Home Affair Minister, solely. Where I don’t have to drive like a crazy idiot every morning to work and worrying about my bad attendance record, worrying about the annual leave that is never enough, worrying about depleting stock of breastmilk, milk-expressing schedule..  But .. I guess it was so boring back then when we don’t have telly, internet, tablet, facebook, online shopping, Mid Valley.. oh no! Okay, I’d rather overwhelm myself with all these new portfolio of ministry, where I am the Menteri Wanita, Keluarga, Masyarakat, Kewangan, Kesihatan, Pendidikan, Sumber Asli, Pelancongan and for all that matters, as long I can have all these social needs, I would be okay. I think I’d be a better mom if I work.

But all this work-life balance thingy, when I have to juggle all at once, when all the balls are in the air, which one to drop first?

I don’t know. But certainly not my beloved Benjo, and Papa.

I’ll make sure everything will be taken care of, nicely in the air, even if I have to juggle with one foot, and standing on another!

The Epitome of a Maidless Working Mom

Just got back from home during lunch hour, checking on Ashraf at the daycare. The normal kids fever, after each jab. Hmm.. God knows how relieve it is.. Being able to come home, checking on him at the daycare, cuddling him, kissing him, wiping the watery mucus from his runny nose and finally I could rest assured that his temperature is settling down. I took around 10 minutes in the nursery with him before handed him over to the nanny and heading back to the office. Alhamdulillahhh.. lega Mama.

Last night he refused to sleep the usual way I put him to bed. Mata dah kecik kuyu, badan pun dah lemah, but his arms kept reaching out here and there, merengek-rengek.. I wrapped him around with my arms, held him close to my chest, goyang2 kaki sikit and in a split second he closed his eyes and sleep tight! So cute! I love watching him asleep, so peaceful! But my back ached, tangan lenguh and so sleepy :O

I keep telling myself that -I am trying very hard- you know, when I’m in the office, my mind is already at home, listing out all the chores to complete in order; basuh botol susu, masak, basuh baju, sidai baju, lipat baju, preparing Ashraf’s nursery bag, preparing the EBM.. but at 10 PM, I already passed out. I just get too tired and sick of myself, not having done everything perfectly, as I left some of the tasks to Hubby. Supermom does everything, right? I don’t.

Sometimes I just want to sit in the toilet and cry myself a river.

I have not touched the books for months, I have not scrubbed the kitchen floor since we moved in, my wedding-photos project never took off, my cooking has gotten worse; ayam masak merah was too hot, sup terlebih pepper, potato was undercooked.

I just want him to know that I love him tremendously. Even though sometimes I failed to wake up for him and I feel so bad seeing his diapers full of poo-poo the next morning. Lousy Mama

Last year, when I found out that I was pregnant, I just couldn’t imagine myself living with a baby, and now I couldn’t imagine myself living without it! It’s been crazy. But I’m not a supermom. I’m not a perfect wife and a mother I wish I could be. I lost myself while trying to find a new life.

HELP!

Dah.. penyakit lama datang balik. Asyik rasa nak shopping je. Pleaseee.. ape nak buat ni. Kehabisan fulusss!